“Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.” -James A. Garfield

I hope you enjoyed my first installment of “Things that are Weird” the other week. If you didn’t enjoy it, I have some bad news:

Things that are Weird part 2: The leavening!

Today’s weird thing is bread! The title kind of gives it away, but that’s okay.

Why bread? That’s a fair question. I don’t have something against bread, if you’re wondering. I’m not gluten-free, or allergic to yeast. I actually love bread, like, a lot. It’s kind of a problem.

The thing that plagues me, and a lot of people really, about bread is that we’re not supposed to eat a lot of it. This shouldn’t be an issue, but bread is delicious. It’s also in everything, and is definitely an integral part of my personal diet.

“But Sam,” you say, “aside from being a fatty, you’re also wrong. We can digest bread and bread-like products.” Well you’re as right as you are hurtful. But I mean, come on, I bet we could digest a lot of things if we were determined enough. No? Not a good enough reason? Okay fine. I concede on the ‘we can totally eat it,’ line of argument. But that’s fine, because I was off-topic anyway.

My point is, well, who the heck figured out how to make bread, anyway? It can be traced back roughly 30,000 years ago, but that pretty much comes down to “We’re not really sure how they figured it out, maybe someone was crushing things with rocks and made flour, then decided to mix it with water, cook it, and eat it.”

You know what? Fine. We’ll just leave it there. Sounds perfectly reasonable, that we took a plant with no previous appeal, hit it with a rock, and made a dietary stable. Actually, it doesn’t matter if it’s unreasonable, because apparently that’s exactly what happened. I must admit defeat in the face of overwhelming evidence.

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But until further notice I’m putting it down to “aliens.” You can’t stop me.

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