“The distinction between the past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.” -Albert Einstein

Everyone needs to review their lifestyle and goals and skills every so often. I’m looking at my friends and peers, here. Like many have done before us, we’ve reached an age where we’re too young to have a lot of life experience to draw on, and too old to expect people to do things for us.

It’s come to my attention, though, that there are a few things people my age just don’t know how to do. It’s not just filing taxes and checking your car’s oil, but old life skills that people used to take the time to learn how to do.

For one thing, why can’t anyone cook for themselves? Heads up: It’s not okay to eat terribly just because you’re a single. If you haven’t noticed, it’s not the 1950’s anymore, and you can’t expect your significant other to do all the housework for you. Grow up and learn how to make a decent meal, regardless of your gender.

Knowing how to cook should not be dependent on your gender or marital status. It actually makes your life better, and more fun. Let me explain in three easy steps:

1. Food is delicious.

2. Knowing how to cook means you get to eat delicious food whenever you want.

3. Refer to steps 1 and 2.

Congratulations, you now know why cooking is important! Go be a real person.

Another thing we’ve stopped teaching ourselves is penmanship. Seriously, I had no idea how often I would be embarrassed by my handwriting in the professional world. Fortunately, I work in the medical field, so everyone just thinks I’m a doctor. (Yes, I know penmanship has been outdated by the computer, and I’m at peace with that.)

Though Penmanship is outdated, it does Segway haphazardly like an obese mall cop into my next point: No one seems to know how to speak and/or write elegantly. People’s spelling and grammar are atrocious, and hurt me on an emotional level. On top of the systemic issues, some of us seem incapable of forming an argument or narrative. It’s shameful.

The ability to speak properly and write eloquently used to be a requirement for any lady or gentleman. Now it seems like most people have to hire English majors to write copy or craft speeches…

Wait…

Forget what I said. Please keep on doing what you’re doing, because I have student loans to pay off.

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