“There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them.” -Andre Gide

The other day I was sitting in a little pizza shop near my office (named Harsi’s. Look it up, it’s delicious.) I was sitting underneath a television, because I largely object to watching TV in a restaurant but have little self-control. As I was there alone, I was forced to try to ignore the mediocre advertisements that plague daytime television (which to be fair is, in itself, a plague.)

Presently an advertisement came on for an insurance company which promised protection against identity theft. Not only did the spokesperson sound like he was reading for the radio while hung-over, but the script was full of crazy buzzwords only meant to inspire fear. I understand that playing on insecurities is what these companies do, and that I am not their target audience as I am neither elderly nor unemployed, but the whole thing was atrocious. My only regret is that I didn’t see the visuals, which were undoubtedly the dancing flames atop this ridiculous train wreck.

To complete the picture, at the end of the advertisement the announcer offered a special promotion for some kind of gadget which charges multiple devices at once. Brilliant. There’s nothing that makes me feel better about your shady deal than an unrelated, guaranteed-to-be-useless gift.

Also, it occurs to me that if you’re buying protection against identity theft, you might want to be suspicious of anything that connects to every electronic device you own.


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