“I think Australia has to be a country which has the ‘Welcome’ sign out.” -Paul Keating

On Monday I mentioned that Australia has some of the craziest animals to be found on dry land (Don’t even get me started on the Lovecraftian horrors found in the ocean again.)  So it should surprise no one that Australia has been on my mind lately, which is because one of their universities is second on my list for graduate school. But anyway, I figured it might be fun to visit some of the delightful fauna of this continent, which will put you six feet down-under.
Okay, yeah, that joke was bad. But seriously these things will straight up face-murder you:
Picture 197
This is a Sydney funnel-web spider, and it is now part of your nightmares. It can get up to 5cm wide (which is roughly 2 inches if your country is like mine and has a terrible measurement system) and has enough venom in one friggin’ bite to kill a human being. Good news though, it’s only found in a 100km radius of Sydney, New South Wales, Australia. But if you live there, I guess that’s bad news.
Snakes. Holy crap does Australia have snakes. This is the Inland Taipan, otherwise known as the most deadly snake in the world. One bite is estimated to have enough venom to kill 100 fully grown men.
This is the Box Jellyfish. Their nickname is “sea wasps,” and everyone knows wasps are evil. Box jellyfish are some of the most venomous creatures in the world, and have been known to leave huge, disfiguring scars on survivors.
Tag teaming with the Box Jellyfish to prove that all things terrible come from the depths of the ocean is the Blanket Octopus. This piece of hellspawn rips poisonous stingers off of Man O’ War Jellyfish and kill things with them. Also they can get up to two meters (6.6 feet for us unfortunate colonists.)
Okay, no more, I promise. Please take a minute to finish quaking in fear.
Better? Good.
So yeah, Australia is pretty much where all terror resides. Between the wildlife, the heat, and the fact that only like half of the continent is even habitable, the people of Australia have to be the hardiest, don’t-give-a-crap badasses to have ever lived. If Hell literally broke loose in Australia I don’t think anyone would notice. The locals would just show Lucifer a Sydney Funnel-Web Spider and he’d run screaming. And his demons would all be killed by drop-bears or something, I dunno.

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